Last year around this time, I wrote a blog entry titled, “The Best Night of My Life.” I really appreciate all of the positive feedback and comments I received from everyone that read it.  It was great to hear how such a personal and heartfelt story positively impacted so many people.  I also really enjoyed hearing the stories of other fathers and daughters who could relate.  If you have not read it yet, please do so as well as other blogs I have written.  I would love to get your thoughts, comments and stories.  In the meantime, here I am at the local coffee shop exactly a year after I wrote, “The Best Night of My Life…” getting to write about the best night of my life again. However, this time, it was the Best Day of My Life.

The Best Day of My Life

My favorite singer songwriter of all time is Lionel Ritchie.  He has written and recorded some of the most successful songs of all time. For some reason, his music touches and inspires my soul.  A few years back, I was listening to the radio and Lionel Ritchie was being interviewed about his most recent album release. I don’t remember the conversation verbatim, but essentially the interviewer asked him if he was disappointed about the fact that his most recent album had not done as well as previous albums. Lionel’s response has stuck with me ever since.  He said something to the effect of, “How can I be disappointed?  I have created some of the most successful songs of all time…Truly, Three Times a Lady, Stuck on You (my personal favorite), Sail On, Hello ect.    It is impossible for me to compete with myself.  I can’t top those songs and don’t even worry about trying. All I can do is the best I can do at the time.  Whatever happens, happens.  I just feel incredibly blessed to still be able to do what I love to do and to have had the success that I have had.”

Lionel, I can relate

You know how sometimes, you hear something that sticks with you.  You don’t know how or why it does, but you have a funny feeling that it will come in handy one day. Well, that is exactly how Lionel’s response above affected me.  My daughter’s school’s Annual Father Daughter Dance was last Saturday.  Just as I wrote in the “The Best Night of My Life” I was extremely excited and could not wait to experience that event with my daughter for the second time.  However, I must be honest with you and say that thoughts of “How can we have a better experience at the dance this year vs. last year,” crept into my mind. Just as I was going through all of the things Lexi and I could do to make this year’s experience even better than last year, Lionel Ritchie’s voice entered my thoughts and I heard him say, “You have already created the best. Don’t try and compete with yourself, just enjoy the moment and have the best time you can.  If you try and compete with last year, you will spend more time worrying about doing something that cannot be done…as opposed to being in the moment with your daughter and having the best time you can this year.” Thankfully I listened to Lionel and was amazed at what happened as a result.

Daddy, let’s go on an adventure!

As Lexi and I pulled into the parking lot, I prepared myself to be free and act like a total kid like we did last year. You see, last year, I was expecting she and I to have this formal type of Father Daughter dance experience, but all she wanted to do was to play and be a kid…so once I got over myself and allowed myself to be in the moment, I acted the same and she and I had what she termed was, The Best Night of her Life. So this year, I was expecting the same experience but what happened was the exact opposite. As we walked towards the event, Lexi grabbed my hand with that I’m not letting go firmness that those of us parents can relate to.  As we walked into the ballroom I saw a few of her friends running around and playing.  I turned to Lexi and said, “Honey, do you want to go play with your friends?”  Her response left me in shock.  She calmly said, “No, I want to stay with you.” I don’t know how many more years, weeks, months or days I have left of my daughter choosing me over her friends, but I will treat everyone one of them like it is my last. She and I sat down and ate lunch.  Several times her friends came up to our table and asked her if she wanted to go play.  To my utter surprise, she kept saying, “Not right now, I am spending time with my daddy.”  Can you feel my heart melting!

After lunch, the Fathers and Daughters were led to the dance floor where they taught us a couple of ballroom dances.  Lexi and I had a great time as she stepped on my feet and we danced to the Waltz and the Two Step.  After  dancing, I figured she would want to go on the Princess themed horse and carriage ride.  She told me that she did not want to. “Daddy, all I want to do now is go on an adventure with you.”  “What does that mean, I said.”  She said, “Let’s just walk around and discover things.” So we did.  She grabbed my hand again and we walked outside of the ballroom and simply looked around, discovered interesting things, took photos with my I Phone and talked about anything that came into our minds.  After awhile, I noticed other Fathers and Daughters following our lead and taking an adventure walk.  As we were walking, Lexi kept telling me, “Isn’t this fun daddy?  I am having a great time.” Then she asked me, “Daddy, are you having fun?”   I looked her in the eyes and said, “Lexi, this is the best day of my life.” Lionel Ritchie was right, you can’t compete with the best…but you can make the experience just as good!

Epilogue:

30 minutes or so into our adventure, several friends of Lexi’s ran up to her and begged her to go and play. I encouraged her to go and play and I took pictures.  No matter what, you have to let go sometime…but always stay close!

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

The Now = The Future

The quote that I came up with to help guide my life is as follows: “Every action or thought either takes you closer to or further away from your aspirations in life.” Without detailing the Plan for my life, let me just say that spending my morning writing and practicing a presentation for a seminar that I am giving at my Church on Monday evening is more aligned with my future plan and aspirations than playing golf this morning. Am I bummed? No, because it is an awesome feeling to know that you made choices that will take you closer to the future you want to build for your family. Believe me, I will find time for golf…just not today. There is simply something more important to do.

A Poem on Choice

This morning, as I was reviewing the myriad of notes and ideas I have written, I came across a small spiral notebook. I remembered writing in the notebook after a friend of mine called me (several weeks ago) and asked me if I wanted to go to the golf driving range with him. Once again, I opted to not go and instead spent my time working on the audio version of my book, “What’s Your Sales Story?” The following is what I wrote about some of the choices I have made since deciding to pursue my “Life Plan.”

* You went to the driving range, played a lot of golf and your game improved. I did not go to the range, did not play as much golf and my game suffered.
* You went to bed early and woke up late. I stayed up late and woke up early as I developed my ideas.
* You hung out with friends and watched Monday night football. I hung out with family and wrote while I watched Monday night football.
* You went to the gym on a regular basis. I kept paying $25.00 a month membership fee and went to the gym seldomly…always with my personal journal in hand.
* You ate 3 meals a day. I at times was so focused and inspired that I forgot to eat.
* You thought about what you wanted to do with your life. I acted on what I wanted to do with my life.
* You were stomped by “How” you would accomplish your aspirations. I was inspired by “WHY” I wanted to achieve my aspirations.
* You talked about the time you did not have. I took advantage of the time I did have.
* You looked at other people’s success and asked, “Why them and not me?” I looked at other people’s success and said, “Let me learn as much as I can from them.”
* You led a good life but never reached your full potential. I led an inspired life and discovered that the sky truly was the limit.

Ja Marr, what does this mean?

I think the moral of the story is that the bigger your aspirations in life, the more you have to “Sacrifice.” I put the word “Sacrifice” in quotes because oddly enough, as I reread the previous section and reflected of the choices I have made, I really do not see them as “Sacrifices” at all. As a matter of fact, they were all great experiences and I would make the same choices again. They are what have made me and continue to make me the person that I am and are taking me closer to the person I want to become.

I am going to stop writing now because I could easily write a book on what I was trying to explain in the previous paragraph. As a matter of fact, I just might do that. In the meantime, I would love to read your thoughts and comments about this post.

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

Time lost while providing.

“I have not heard from you in awhile. Where have you been?” was what Rudy said to me when I answered my cell phone. “I have been traveling and working like crazy,” I said. “Oh, you have been out there providing for your family,” Rudy said. I replied, “Well, you know how that goes.” Then Rudy proceeded to tell me something that hit me like a ton of bricks. “Ja Marr,” he said, “I am retired now, but there was a time when I was just like you…out there providing for my family. I used to go to work at 6:00 AM and come home at 9:00 PM. I would be so tired that I would only have enough energy to grab a quick dinner and go to sleep. It got to the point where my kids were surprised to see me when I was home. I missed many family gatherings and significant events in my children’s lives because I was out their Providing for my family. Although I made a great living and gave my family the best material items, what I realize now, many years later was that I had spent more time Providing for my family than I did Being there for my family. And now, here I am at the twilight of my life trying to make up for lost time. However, it is too late for me and my kids. Now I am trying to do what I wish I had done years ago with my grandkids. I am just happy that I have lived long enough to do it.”

The balancing act.

After I hung up the phone with Rudy, I sat on my sofa for about 30 minutes contemplating what he had just told me. Although I have made a conscious effort to balance work and family, you can never be reminded enough of the importance of doing that. As a matter of fact, a key component of The Kaizen Way Philosophy that I developed is based on being as efficient as possible at work or in your career so that you don’t take up family time with unfinished work. If you want to learn more about The Kaizen process of being successful at work and at home, please e-mail me at info@thekaizenway.com.

I hope that everyone reading this always keeps my conversation with Rudy top of mind. At the end of the day, as you are Providing for your family, don’t forget to Be there for your family as well.

Time to tell your Story!

Please send me your comments or stories in response to this post.

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

When “I am” changes

Since the release of my book, What’s Your Sales Story? when asked what I do for a living, I find myself struggling with the appropriate response. Up until the release of my book, I was always very clear and decisive with my answer to that question: I am a salesperson, I am a corporate sales trainer, I am a marketing product manager, I am a sales manager, I am a Regional Sales Director; those were the answers to that question for the first 15 years of my career. They were all based on the corporate titles I held at the time. But now that I have unleashed a non-corporate undertaking with my book and blog etc, I find that my “I am a…” is changing or has changed as it were.

Who are you now?

Yes, I still have a corporate job that I am committed to and greatly enjoy. But on the other hand, writing and teaching is a very strong passion of mine. When someone asks me, What I do for a living? The answer of, “I am a writer, teacher and inspirational speaker” is absolutely exhilarating for me. As a sales manager, a major part of my job is to teach…and it is great. But when I reflect back on my life ever since I was a child and would journal every aspect of my life, from the times I got dumped in grammar school, to the loss of a loved one and even to what I wanted to be when I grew up, it all comes back to writing. So when you see me in the streets or on the golf course on an early Saturday morning and ask me what I do for a living, I will say, “I am a writer!”

What do you want to say that you do for a living?

As you can imagine, it is great to be able to say what you do for a living, and have it be something that you have always wanted to do. However, for many of us, the reality is that we are not doing what we truly want to be doing for a living. Therefore, when asked that question, your answer is tainted with either a hint of or healthy dose of regret. All my life, I was filled with the unrelenting idea that everyone can truly achieve their ambitions in life and do whatever they want to do. However, the reality is that some of us will and some of us will not. The main reason is that the sacrifices, commitment, fear, uncertainty and resources required more often than not outweighs the person’s true desire to actually achieve what that person thinks s/he wants to achieve. But contrary to popular belief, that “reality” does not have to prevent you from doing what you want to do for a living. You may not be able to leave your job or start your own company today, but you can begin to take steps towards it or actually do it while maintaining your 9 to 5. I teach people how to do this during my coaching, keynote and training seminars. I did not just quit my job and write, “What’s Your Sales Story.” I dedicated my nights and early mornings on weekends to pursue my passion for writing. Was it difficult? Absolutely. Was it worth it? I would not change any second of that journey for anything. And now, as I write to you, I am continuing to do what I love to do for a living.

The question I pose to you now is, “What do you do for a living?”

To your Story!

Ja Marr

Yes, I like aisle seats.

However, there was one part of my airline check in experience that left me dumbfounded. I don’t know about you, but when I fly, I always try to get an aisle seat. I just like the freedom to be able to go to the restroom or simply stand up without having to climb over people or wake someone up that is in that deep “flying sleep.” When I pulled up my reservation at the self serve kiosk, I saw that I was in a window seat. No big deal, I thought to myself, I will just follow the prompts and change to an aisle seat. I figured that there should be plenty of seats since I gathered that not too many people would be flying from Southern California to Minnesota in the dead of winter.

Are you kidding me!

Then, a seating chart pulled up on the screen, and at the same time an airline agent walked up next to me. “Sir, may I help you?” she said. “Yes please. I am trying to change my seat from a window to an aisle,” I replied. “No problem. The seats with letters are already taken, the seats with dollar amounts next to them are for purchase and the middle seats are free,” she explained. I could not believe my ears. They were actually selling coach seats…as upgrades! It is common knowledge that airlines charge for upgrades to first class, but I was just trying to change from a coach window seat to a coach aisle seat!!! To make matters worse, they were selling coach window seats for $25.00 (which is what I already had) and would not let me move to an aisle seat unless I paid an additional $25.00. Not wanting to stay there debating with the agent and miss my flight, I decided to pay the $25.00 and get an aisle seat. The seat I “purchased” was 2 seats over from my original window seat. As I walked away, I thought to myself, “this would have never happened on Southwest Airlines.”

To your Story!

Ja Marr

Every night thousands of sales professionals find themselves discussing their day with a spouse or

The purpose of this article is to remind us as managers of the significant influence a salesperson’s personal life has on his or her career.  Remember that they take home to work every day and work goes home with them every night.  And by work, I mean you!  Not literally but figuratively.

What do you want your employees to take home?

Salespeople have to constantly justify their work to their spouse, family or significant other.  All of the ups and downs, highs and lows of their work play a significant role in the ebb and flow of their personal lives.  It goes without saying that as a manager, you have to abide by the standards, expectations and directives of your organization.  All I want you to think about is the fact that while you are doing the job you were hired to do, is that you remember that you are communicating with real people that have real emotions and feelings.  By no means am I saying that you should bend the rules or make exceptions for individuals that do not meet the required standards and expectations; all that I am saying is that you should try to communicate to your salespeople in a way that inspires them and makes them feel good about what they do and who they work for.  Believe me, if your salespeople take home a manager that appreciates and believes in them, they will transfer that positive energy into their home and will in turn receive positive reinforcement from their significant others. This will energize and make them even more committed to doing the best job they can…not just for the company, but also for you!

If you are a salesperson or a sales manager reading this, please feel free to share your stories and thoughts about this blog.

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

Recently, I had to take a trip to Atlanta. Because the meeting location was about an hour from the airport, I decided to rent a car.  Along the way, I drove by a graveyard.  I have passed by graveyards many times, but this time it was different. Normally, I think about the family members and friends of mine that have passed away and I say a little prayer of thanks for having had them in my life and for all of the lessons they taught me through their stories.  Often times, I find myself tearing up, because of how much I miss them.  But the thoughts of missing them are trumped by the joy and comfort I have knowing that we shared so much together when they were alive. In addition to the fact that the lessons they taught me, continue to lead and guide me.

The stories buried with the individual

All of the sudden, I became sad again.  Not because of the people I personally knew that have passed, but because I thought about how many of those individuals in that graveyard died with their stories untold?  How many of their family members and friends truly knew them? How many of them had stories and information that if shared could have touched and changed someone’s life? So many times when someone passes we hear people say, “if only I could have spent more time with them.  If only I could have gotten to know them better.”

I also thought about how many of them passed with the regret and disappointment of knowing that they never pursued their dreams and passions in life…and now, it is too late.

It is not too late to tell your story

However, it is not too late for you and I.  You can tell your story, you can inspire others, and you can leave a legacy for yourself. It does not have to be on a grand scale…just tell your story to the people in your life who mean something to you.  Share the lessons you have learned and that have shaped you as a person.  Teach your children the lessons life has taught you, what to do and what to avoid.  If you are a manager teach your employees the stories about your career that can help them.

I have been fortunate enough to write a book titled, “What’s Your Sales Story?”  This book was written because I wanted to inspire other professionals through my story, and give them a roadmap for which to write and tell their own story.  My book, will also serve as a teaching guide for my daughter when she starts her professional career.

Since the day my wife and I found out that she was pregnant, I started keeping a journal for our daughter. I chronicle the daily lessons and stories that are not only shaping my life but hers as well.  I am overwhelmed with joy and peace knowing that she will always have those journals to serve as a reminder of who her father was and the story of her life. I highly recommend that all parents do that for your children.  When you are gone, how will they remember you?

Finally, make sure that at the end of the day you have no regrets in life and can say, starting today, that you pursued your dreams and passions in life.  When someone you know passes by your gravesite, make sure that they can say…I know his or her story!

Now it is time to share your story.  Please write back and share your comments.  Remember, your story can change lives!

To your story!

Ja Marr

This past weekend, the wife and I went to Las Vegas.  Even though the casino we stayed in gave us a free room, they definitely got their money back and then some.  But this article is not about that.  As usual, traffic driving back to California from Las Vegas was horrendous; so we decided to grab a bite to eat at the state line and wait for traffic to die down some.  Being the fast food junkie that I am, I used every sales trick I know to convince my wife to eat at McDonalds.  I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get these cravings for certain items at various fast food restaurants.  This day, I could not wait to sink my teeth into some Chicken Nuggets and eat some fresh out the fryer French fries (I always ask them to make the fries fresh for me).

We don’t have that

Finally, she and I were next in line.  The couple in front of us ordered 2 cups of coffee and 2 McRibb sandwiches.  The young girl taking the order shook her head and said, “We don’t have the McRibb.”  The man said, “What!  No McRibbs.  But the sign on the menu board right behind you says that the McRibb is back.  Where did it go?”  She just shook her head again and said, “We don’t have the McRibb.”  Then he said, “Why don’t you take the sign down.  How can you advertise something that you don’t have?”  But he was not done.  “OhOh wait just a minute.” He was looking at the lady making his coffee.  “You guys put cream and sugar in the cup before you pour the coffee!  That does not make any sense.  How do you know if it tastes the way that you want it to?”   She said, “Sir, that is just how we do it.  If it does not taste right to you, I will make you another one.”  She gave him his coffee and he took a sip.  “Oh my goodness,” he yelled out.  “This coffee is cold as ice.  Ya’ll don’t got the McRibb, you pour your coffee wrong and then you give me cold coffee.  What is this!”  She apologized to him and they made him 2 fresh cups of coffee.  By this point, a line had built up about 15 people deep and it was our turn to order.

We don’t have that either

My wife ordered 2 chicken wraps.  No problem.  I was craving chicken nuggets and wanted to get a My Little Pony toy for our daughter so I ordered a 6 piece McNugget kids meal.  The same young girl said, “We don’t have any chicken nuggets.”  “What!” I said with an astonished look on my face.  “This is McDonald’s.  You are known for your chicken nuggets.  How can you not have chicken nuggets?”  She calmly said, “We don’t have any nuggets.”  I gathered myself and said, “OK, I will take a Cheeseburger kids meal with fresh fries and a My Little Pony toy.”  She said, “French fries.”  “No, fresh fries,” I said back.  She said, “French fries.”  “No, fresh fries,” I said again.  Again she said, “French fries.”  Flabbergasted, I said, “I want you to take some uncooked French fries, put them in the square frying thing, drop them in the hot oil and when they are done, sprinkle salt on them and give me a small one.”  “Oh, you want fresh fries,” she said.  Almost laughing, I said “Yes, please.”  “Would you like anything else?” she said.  I said, “Yes, let me have a fruit and walnut salad.”  She said, “We don’t have anymore fruit and walnut salads.”  At that point, I looked around to see if I was on candid camera.  Not seeing Howie Mandell or Ashton Kucher, I said, “Ok, since you are out of the fruit and walnut salad, then I will have a Carmel Sunday with nuts please.”  You can guess what she said next.  “We don’t have any ice cream.”

Everything we couldn’t get

By this time, the gentleman from earlier was just getting his “fresh” cup of coffee and overheard our entire conversation.  He went into a monologue about all of the items that they didn’t have that were still being advertised on the menu.  “You guys, don’t have the McRibb, the coffee is cold, no chicken nuggets, no fruit and walnut salad and no ice cream.  This is amazing.”  When he was done, I asked for my check and waited for my order.  When it was ready, I took it to our table and opened the bag.  I was surprised to see a transformer like toy in the bag.  I turned to my wife and said, “Didn’t I order a My Little Pony toy.”  She gave me that I know what is coming next look and begrudgingly said, “Yes.”

Oh, we don’t have that either

I got up from our table and went straight to the counter with the transformer looking toy in hand.  When I reached the counter, I said, “I ordered a My Little Pony toy, but was given this thing.”  The young girl turned to me and said, “We don’t have anymore My Little Pony toys.”

Disclaimer: I am a big McDonald’s fan and have never had such an experience before.  I can safely say that my experience this time was a one off situation.

To your story!

Ja Marr