Last year around this time, I wrote a blog entry titled, “The Best Night of My Life.” I really appreciate all of the positive feedback and comments I received from everyone that read it.  It was great to hear how such a personal and heartfelt story positively impacted so many people.  I also really enjoyed hearing the stories of other fathers and daughters who could relate.  If you have not read it yet, please do so as well as other blogs I have written.  I would love to get your thoughts, comments and stories.  In the meantime, here I am at the local coffee shop exactly a year after I wrote, “The Best Night of My Life…” getting to write about the best night of my life again. However, this time, it was the Best Day of My Life.

The Best Day of My Life

My favorite singer songwriter of all time is Lionel Ritchie.  He has written and recorded some of the most successful songs of all time. For some reason, his music touches and inspires my soul.  A few years back, I was listening to the radio and Lionel Ritchie was being interviewed about his most recent album release. I don’t remember the conversation verbatim, but essentially the interviewer asked him if he was disappointed about the fact that his most recent album had not done as well as previous albums. Lionel’s response has stuck with me ever since.  He said something to the effect of, “How can I be disappointed?  I have created some of the most successful songs of all time…Truly, Three Times a Lady, Stuck on You (my personal favorite), Sail On, Hello ect.    It is impossible for me to compete with myself.  I can’t top those songs and don’t even worry about trying. All I can do is the best I can do at the time.  Whatever happens, happens.  I just feel incredibly blessed to still be able to do what I love to do and to have had the success that I have had.”

Lionel, I can relate

You know how sometimes, you hear something that sticks with you.  You don’t know how or why it does, but you have a funny feeling that it will come in handy one day. Well, that is exactly how Lionel’s response above affected me.  My daughter’s school’s Annual Father Daughter Dance was last Saturday.  Just as I wrote in the “The Best Night of My Life” I was extremely excited and could not wait to experience that event with my daughter for the second time.  However, I must be honest with you and say that thoughts of “How can we have a better experience at the dance this year vs. last year,” crept into my mind. Just as I was going through all of the things Lexi and I could do to make this year’s experience even better than last year, Lionel Ritchie’s voice entered my thoughts and I heard him say, “You have already created the best. Don’t try and compete with yourself, just enjoy the moment and have the best time you can.  If you try and compete with last year, you will spend more time worrying about doing something that cannot be done…as opposed to being in the moment with your daughter and having the best time you can this year.” Thankfully I listened to Lionel and was amazed at what happened as a result.

Daddy, let’s go on an adventure!

As Lexi and I pulled into the parking lot, I prepared myself to be free and act like a total kid like we did last year. You see, last year, I was expecting she and I to have this formal type of Father Daughter dance experience, but all she wanted to do was to play and be a kid…so once I got over myself and allowed myself to be in the moment, I acted the same and she and I had what she termed was, The Best Night of her Life. So this year, I was expecting the same experience but what happened was the exact opposite. As we walked towards the event, Lexi grabbed my hand with that I’m not letting go firmness that those of us parents can relate to.  As we walked into the ballroom I saw a few of her friends running around and playing.  I turned to Lexi and said, “Honey, do you want to go play with your friends?”  Her response left me in shock.  She calmly said, “No, I want to stay with you.” I don’t know how many more years, weeks, months or days I have left of my daughter choosing me over her friends, but I will treat everyone one of them like it is my last. She and I sat down and ate lunch.  Several times her friends came up to our table and asked her if she wanted to go play.  To my utter surprise, she kept saying, “Not right now, I am spending time with my daddy.”  Can you feel my heart melting!

After lunch, the Fathers and Daughters were led to the dance floor where they taught us a couple of ballroom dances.  Lexi and I had a great time as she stepped on my feet and we danced to the Waltz and the Two Step.  After  dancing, I figured she would want to go on the Princess themed horse and carriage ride.  She told me that she did not want to. “Daddy, all I want to do now is go on an adventure with you.”  “What does that mean, I said.”  She said, “Let’s just walk around and discover things.” So we did.  She grabbed my hand again and we walked outside of the ballroom and simply looked around, discovered interesting things, took photos with my I Phone and talked about anything that came into our minds.  After awhile, I noticed other Fathers and Daughters following our lead and taking an adventure walk.  As we were walking, Lexi kept telling me, “Isn’t this fun daddy?  I am having a great time.” Then she asked me, “Daddy, are you having fun?”   I looked her in the eyes and said, “Lexi, this is the best day of my life.” Lionel Ritchie was right, you can’t compete with the best…but you can make the experience just as good!

Epilogue:

30 minutes or so into our adventure, several friends of Lexi’s ran up to her and begged her to go and play. I encouraged her to go and play and I took pictures.  No matter what, you have to let go sometime…but always stay close!

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always liked to observe and listen to older adults. I remember sitting by my grandparents’ side during family get-togethers and just talking to them while the rest of my brothers and cousins played games. There were times when the adults would tell me to go and play instead of just sitting there watching them. I was simply fascinated by their knowledge and wisdom and perspective on life. Take my father for example. He is an extremely intelligent person and a great communicator, but he often times chooses to not engage in conversations despite the fact that he may be the most knowledgeable on the subject. When I was a child, one day I asked him why he did not talk much when we had company over. His response to me was, “Son, you can only learn when you listen to other people. You already know what you think and what your opinion is. By listening, you may pick up on a new perspective that you had not thought of or may learn information that can change your life.” That is one lesson I have always abided by. Two nights ago, I learned another life altering lesson from one of my mentors who is in his late 70s. Let’s call him Rudy.

Time lost while providing.

“I have not heard from you in awhile. Where have you been?” was what Rudy said to me when I answered my cell phone. “I have been traveling and working like crazy,” I said. “Oh, you have been out there providing for your family,” Rudy said. I replied, “Well, you know how that goes.” Then Rudy proceeded to tell me something that hit me like a ton of bricks. “Ja Marr,” he said, “I am retired now, but there was a time when I was just like you…out there providing for my family. I used to go to work at 6:00 AM and come home at 9:00 PM. I would be so tired that I would only have enough energy to grab a quick dinner and go to sleep. It got to the point where my kids were surprised to see me when I was home. I missed many family gatherings and significant events in my children’s lives because I was out their Providing for my family. Although I made a great living and gave my family the best material items, what I realize now, many years later was that I had spent more time Providing for my family than I did Being there for my family. And now, here I am at the twilight of my life trying to make up for lost time. However, it is too late for me and my kids. Now I am trying to do what I wish I had done years ago with my grandkids. I am just happy that I have lived long enough to do it.”

The balancing act.

After I hung up the phone with Rudy, I sat on my sofa for about 30 minutes contemplating what he had just told me. Although I have made a conscious effort to balance work and family, you can never be reminded enough of the importance of doing that. As a matter of fact, a key component of The Kaizen Way Philosophy that I developed is based on being as efficient as possible at work or in your career so that you don’t take up family time with unfinished work. If you want to learn more about The Kaizen process of being successful at work and at home, please e-mail me at info@thekaizenway.com.

I hope that everyone reading this always keeps my conversation with Rudy top of mind. At the end of the day, as you are Providing for your family, don’t forget to Be there for your family as well.

Time to tell your Story!

Please send me your comments or stories in response to this post.

To Your Story!

Ja Marr

Recently, I had to take a trip to Atlanta. Because the meeting location was about an hour from the airport, I decided to rent a car.  Along the way, I drove by a graveyard.  I have passed by graveyards many times, but this time it was different. Normally, I think about the family members and friends of mine that have passed away and I say a little prayer of thanks for having had them in my life and for all of the lessons they taught me through their stories.  Often times, I find myself tearing up, because of how much I miss them.  But the thoughts of missing them are trumped by the joy and comfort I have knowing that we shared so much together when they were alive. In addition to the fact that the lessons they taught me, continue to lead and guide me.

The stories buried with the individual

All of the sudden, I became sad again.  Not because of the people I personally knew that have passed, but because I thought about how many of those individuals in that graveyard died with their stories untold?  How many of their family members and friends truly knew them? How many of them had stories and information that if shared could have touched and changed someone’s life? So many times when someone passes we hear people say, “if only I could have spent more time with them.  If only I could have gotten to know them better.”

I also thought about how many of them passed with the regret and disappointment of knowing that they never pursued their dreams and passions in life…and now, it is too late.

It is not too late to tell your story

However, it is not too late for you and I.  You can tell your story, you can inspire others, and you can leave a legacy for yourself. It does not have to be on a grand scale…just tell your story to the people in your life who mean something to you.  Share the lessons you have learned and that have shaped you as a person.  Teach your children the lessons life has taught you, what to do and what to avoid.  If you are a manager teach your employees the stories about your career that can help them.

I have been fortunate enough to write a book titled, “What’s Your Sales Story?”  This book was written because I wanted to inspire other professionals through my story, and give them a roadmap for which to write and tell their own story.  My book, will also serve as a teaching guide for my daughter when she starts her professional career.

Since the day my wife and I found out that she was pregnant, I started keeping a journal for our daughter. I chronicle the daily lessons and stories that are not only shaping my life but hers as well.  I am overwhelmed with joy and peace knowing that she will always have those journals to serve as a reminder of who her father was and the story of her life. I highly recommend that all parents do that for your children.  When you are gone, how will they remember you?

Finally, make sure that at the end of the day you have no regrets in life and can say, starting today, that you pursued your dreams and passions in life.  When someone you know passes by your gravesite, make sure that they can say…I know his or her story!

Now it is time to share your story.  Please write back and share your comments.  Remember, your story can change lives!

To your story!

Ja Marr

Dear Friends,

Sometimes in life, you can work so hard to achieve something and either loose sight of why you went after it in the first place or even wonder if your efforts were in vain or truly made a difference.  This can range from parenting, mentoring, volunteering or in my case, writing a book that I hoped would touch and inspire the reader to not only achieve their aspirations but to also share their story with others.  The letter below was sent to me by someone that read my book, “What’s Your Sales Story?”   This is the reason why I wrote the book.  I want to thank this individual for sharing their story and I would be honored to have those of you reading this post, read my book and tell me your story as well.

The Story From a Reader

Dear Ja Marr,

I wanted to write you and thank you for being such an influential speaker to not only the kids at the SBA mentoring program but to me as well. I read your inspiring story and can only explain my reaction as deeply moved. I thank you once more for generously giving me your book. I found it comforting that I am not alone in the world of medical sales. Since I am new to medical device sales, I found myself relating to your story quite a bit. I continuously caught myself reliving similar experiences throughout the read. Everything from not taking responsibility of my own territory to letting my ego stop me from asking for the sale. I particularity love your chapter about earning the right to ask for the business. In that chapter I felt I was reading my story not yours. I am shocked at the familiarity of your story and feel truly blessed that I read about your young career before destroying my own. Your book is a crucial guide to every new sales professional, especially those in medical sales. I have read many sales books, even medical device sales guide books and none of them prepare you for the mistakes you will most likely make like your book does. I can safely say your story may have potentially saved my career because of the path I have been leading thus far.

I would love to share my story with you and there is a good chance you will be taken back by the similarities. I have recommended this book to my VP of sales. I do not know how to thank you for sharing such a personal story and opening my eyes to what the sales industry should be about. Before I started with surgical sales my hopes included that my knowledge and accountability would help doctors perform better in surgery thus leading to higher patient satisfaction and surgical results. I wanted my doctors to see me as their consultant rather than their vendor. The pressure for increasing sales numbers changed my perception pretty quickly. I felt none of my managers cared about my expectations for the position, instead the focus was on the bottom line. I lost sight that I could achieve my initial goals and increase numbers in unison. Ultimately, in our business it is about the bottom line. The problem lies with only recognizing this piece and this is where you cause trouble. I appreciate the chapter of your life where it was no longer about the rankings to you and because of that you not only earned success but you earned the number one spot. There is something to be said about that and it is no coincidence you earned respect from your ophthalmologists.

Congratulations to your success, I truly admire you for sharing your struggles in this world of constant judgment. I would love to learn more from you and consider you a mentor. Please feel free to contact me anytime. I would love to attend one of your upcoming programs or events.

To your story,

Ja Marr

On Friday November 14, at the beautiful OC Pavilion, my family and I celebrated the release of my first book, “What’s Your Sales Story?”.  With over 100 people in attendance, that included family, friends, colleagues and business partners, the evening was as much about the launch of a new chapter in my life and career, as it was a celebration of my book’s release.

During my talk, that Friday evening, while I discussed my journey in writing the book and how it relates to sales professionals and managers, I challenged the audience to discover their internal fires.  What is it that is burning inside them to achieve?  Instead of focusing on thoughts that are keeping them away from heir aspirations, such as “How” it will be achieved, I urged them to focus on the “Why”.   Who is it in your life that you want to set an example for?  Who is it in your life that you want to leave a legacy for? 

Focusing on the “Why” will bring a sense of calm over you, eliminating the worry and overwhelm as to “How” your dreams will be achieved.  That calm will bring about an unbreakable confidence and commitment that will guide you through your journey.  Achieving perennial success in life and in your career will transpire faster than you can imagine. Believe me, I know.

8 Years In the Making

The process of developing and launching What’s Your Sales Story? was eight years in the making. That journey was not without its fair share of challenges. 

For quite some time I was completely focused on “How” do I write a book rather than the “Why”.  I had never written a book before and found myself overwhelmed by all of the work and time required to do it.  I’ll be honest, there were times where I wondered if I was doing the right thing and even questioned my worthiness of writing a book.  Frustrated and disillusioned, I stopped writing in mid-2007.

A few months after I had stopped writing the book, I was in the process of getting ready to go out on Halloween with my daughter, Alexis.  Shutting off my computer I found myself looking at a photo of my daughter the day she was born.  And then I hear Alexis call out from the doorway to my office, “Daddy, look at me!”.  I turned from that photo to see Alexis dressed in her Super Girl costume.  In the blink of an eye I was vividly reminded just how quickly my little girl was growing up. 

As we prepared to leave and go trick or treating I found myself thinking how five years had passed since my daughter came into this world and here I was, not only still ‘thinking” about writing my book, but a few months earlier I had simply given up on it. 

I recalled the words my mom shared with me when I was 13 years old after I had asked her why she and my dad sacrificed so much for me and my brothers.  She simply said that, “the role of a parent is to ensure that their children’s lives are better than their own.” 

That Halloween evening marked a major turning point in my life.  I no longer troubled myself with the “How” behind writing my book. Instead, I shifted my focus to “Why” should I write the book.  Leaving a legacy for my daughter became my personal “Why”. It was my inspiration.  From that point on, there was not a day that went by that I did not work on my book.   Whenever I got tired or my creative juices did not flow, I would look at the photo of my daughter’s first moments in this world and I would suddenly be re-energized and the creative juices flowed.  Driven by my “Why”, my efforts were rewarded and less than a year later the book was finished

What Is Your Why?

Through it all I had the unwavering support of my wife and daughter as well as family, friends and colleagues.  All of them provided support, guidance and inspired me to continue breathing life into my vision.

Today, What’s Your Sales Story? is poised to realign how sales professionals prepare themselves and how they see their customers.  According to many sales professionals, authors, sales trainers and corporate executives who have read the book, it is “the book MISSING from every training room across America.”

In short, What’s Your Sales Story? is unlike any book you have ever read on sales. You won’t find any clichéd sales strategies or out dated techniques.  Instead, what you will discover is a new form of sales education I refer to as Reality Based Sales. No theories or generic examples. What you will read is 100% reality.

For me, the reality of the book’s completion and the next chapter in my life is a result of switching my focus from “How” to “Why”. 

Now the question is for you to discover what is your “Why”?

I am often asked what separates the average salesperson from the perennial sales performer. My answer is always the same. Perennial sales performer know, understand and fully utilize their stories to engage, communicate and connect with their customers. Average salespeople do not.

Of course, this answer isn’t always easily understood at first. The surprised and sometimes skeptical expressions quickly go away, however, as I remind others not only just how often we all use stories in our personal and professional lives, but how easy sales becomes when stories are properly used and understood.

Stories, though, are not just important to sales success. Stories are the very fabric that runs through all human interactions, framing our perspective of the world we live in.

Stories uplift our spirit and stir our emotions. They awaken our soul and breathe hope into despair. Stories shape and define entire cultures. They teach and provide perspective. They build companies and grow careers. And nothing ever gets sold without a story being told.

Stories are at the core of our genetic makeup. Throughout history stories have been used to teach, entertain, honor spiritual beliefs, settle disputes, express love and they have been used to sell. Take for example the story of David and Goliath or the Boy Who Cried Wolf. They contain universal themes and messages that can be applied to any culture or situation.

According to the Kalahari Bushmen, recognized as the oldest living culture on earth, a person’s story is viewed as his most treasured resource. From our birth to our passing, stories serve as the backbone of our existence, both personally and professionally.

When it comes to selling, just as in life, everyone has a story behind what drives them. What’s your story?

Stories provide customers a frame of reference for making decisions. Stories also shape customers perspective of the products and services they seek and the brands and companies by which they buy from. Because of this companies spend millions of dollars training their salespeople on the stories behind their products and services so that they can convey them to customers. Billions of dollars are spent on telling those stories to customers through marketing and branding campaigns.

What good, however, is the story of your product or even the story of your customers if your salespeople don’t know their own story?

For far too long I’ve seen well intentioned sales professionals, their confidence masked by insecurities they refuse to acknowledge, attempt to get by with antiquated sales tactics, strategies and yes, stories, that simply don’t work. This is especially true in today’s world. Customers are savvier as to when, why and from whom they make purchases. Choices as to where to buy and who to buy from are more abundant. Customer loyalty has become the exception rather than the rule. Customers simply do not tolerate average salespeople to the degree they used to.

Think about the customers you call on. If you’re in the medical device or pharmaceutical industry the doctors you’re calling on have most likely been subjected to hundreds of sales calls from reps. They’ve learned to anticipate your sales pitch because they’ve heard it at nauseum. The moment you show up at their practice their defenses go up and you get little to no clues about their story. The same is true with their staff. Without changing the patterns and experiences that form their story of salespeople, getting them to see past their perspective of who they think you are and making the sale will be an uphill battle.

Whether the stories they have told themselves about salespeople are distorted or 100% accurate, if they believe salespeople are unethical, rude and only out to make a sale, no matter how much you’re not like that, they will see you as the salesperson in their story. To change their perspective you will have to rewrite a new version of their story.

The first step is learning your customer’s story and then applying what you learned to create a smoother sale. When you listen and apply you will find yourself no longer having to force the close. Instead, you will find yourself facilitating your customers closing themselves. Before you can learn their stories, though, you must first understand your own.